Today I saw the movie “Paper Towns”. I was really excited to see this movie because the book is pretty much my favorite book, and Quentin is my favorite character. In the beginning of the movie, Q is talking to Margo and talks about his plan: go to Duke, go to med school, become a doctor, get married, have kids, all by 30. Margo asks him why he can’t be happy now.
It’s more in the book than the movie, but I feel like part of the reason why I like Q is because I can relate to him. I studied hard in school, to get into a good college, to find a good job. I didn’t go to parties in high school or do crazy things. Did I have fun? Yeah, I would say so. Was I worried about the ‘last-ness’ of it all? Definitely. There is a sadness to senior year. It’s the end of a chapter, to bring you to a new beginning. The movie high-lights this well, when Q talks about how he had all his firsts thanks to Margo, rather than his lasts.
As I mentioned, my mother is Asian and a little bit of a Tiger Mom. This means that when I was in high school I had to get good grades. When I got into college I had to work hard to get a good job. Now I’m on the farm. This doesn’t classify as a ‘good job’ to her, and even once I committed to coming here, every single day she tells me to look for a job once I get back. This is extremely frustrating to me, because sometimes I just want to live my life. I don’t want to worry about what’s going to happen next and enjoy the moment. Do I want a good job? Yes. Do I want to be employed and not have to worry about finding a job once I leave here? Yes. Does she need to tell me every single day? No. I don’t think most employers want people applying for jobs almost a year in advance. Maybe when they are in college and there is graduation to be considered, but under normal circumstances it’s typically only a couple of months in advance.
When I got here I didn’t worry about it and tried to enjoy my time here. I did that as best as I could with my mom telling me to get a job every day. Now things are different, and I feel a lot of pressure. It’s hard to be Asian, I’ll tell you that. I talk to the other apprentices and they tell me they have no plans. They haven’t even started thinking about it. I say, I’m reminded every day that I’m going nowhere. I’m not sure how this job search is going to go, but I know that it needs to start relatively soon.
Once I leave here though, I would like to take some time off to enjoy my life. I wanted to do this before I came here, but with the timing it didn’t work out. I remember in one of my classes we had a guest speaker and he told us his biggest regret was starting his job right after graduation. He recommended taking some time to travel or enjoy yourself, and that’s what I hope to do. So here’s to the future, and trying to stay in the present.